Vanilla Silence

(The trial is still open to eligible participants if you know anyone, click here)

I went in for my screening appointment today. Went well. Apparently the ECG shows I actually have a heart (SHOCK HORROR) and it’s beating fine. All normal.

They took a shite-load of blood and two urine samples for their testing delights.

Now onto the interesting: They have done many tests on rats / monkeys / dogs already, and three human 28-day tests (like what I’m going into). There have been side effects seen in animals not seen in humans yet but they test for everything frequently to see if anything develops (which is good). Very closely monitored. Besides that nothing major, just your usual headaches, nausea yada yada.

There is also no rules on disclosure. My final question when I was leaving was about if there was any lines that we couldn’t cross; can we tell others? I suppose we can’t really hide the fact we’re disappearing for a month, so putting a gag on us isn’t going to do much. I explained I had friends on the Internet I chat to regularly who will want to know be forcibly told how I’m going.

You know what this means, don’t you? BLOG!

I can’t take pictures though. I won’t change, I promise, but there’s a rule on no photos. Fair enough. I think text should be able to paint enough of a picture. Also, it’s not a standard hospital wing, from the glimpse I got, it looks pretty comfy. Kind of like camp.

Anyhoo. I signed the consent form. Now I’m just waiting to hear back on if I’ve been accepted. More soon. :)

In an act of pure awesome, my boyfriend brought home Wii Fit and didn’t tell me this morning. So when I got out of bed 2 hours after he’d gotten home, I finally saw it sitting on top of the TV.

I laughed like a maniac. The kind of uncontrollable laugh that happened when he rickrolled me on my birthday. So, I’m guessing that this is my birthday present. :)

It’s a great device so far. I went to gym yesterday for a PT session so I already hurt, but I can definitely feel it working. People should really be able to get out of the house and exercise, but hey, we’re going the way of the television and PC. The exercises actually hurt my muscles. Damn lunge.

Oh, and the bastard has told me my BMI says I’m overweight. Fabulous. And people say I am fine, wtf? Stupid BMI. Anyway, I’ve devised my goal of two months to lose five kilos with healthier eating, Wii Fit, gym, and random assorted crap. Will see what happens.

Spose if I get into this trial I can’t take Wii with me, but it would be awesome for them to have one in there. I’ll be eating fantastically in there, so will probably drop the kilos anyway.

If you’re a regular user of Facebook, you may have even noticed this already. They’re running ads in the left hand sidebar for healthy females aged 18-something for a clinical trial. My Mum sent me the link, and so, I’m registering.

I read a little more information, and it’s quite an extensive trial. It requires you to be housed in their facilities for 32 days, and you will be renumerated for lost time and inconvenience. Obviously if you signed up for it it’s your own inconvenience.. But we won’t discuss that further.

The money? Well lets just say.. almost five thousand dollars.

Who the bloody hell wouldn’t do this? Well I’m probably an idiot for asking that kind of question. People with massive paranoia of hospitals, risks, side effects?

I’ve got my eyes on the prize. It can get me out of debt.

I suppose I shouldn’t be looking at a clinical trial as a prize-winning event - there ARE risks, I’m not completely ignorant. 

They are doing what seems like a phase one testing of an anti-depressant. Every morning, you’re given two small tablets, they take blood (not every day), vital signs, blood pressure etc etc. You’re fed breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. You have access to the internet both via their PC and a wireless network. You live in the converted wing of the hospital and basically to me; it’s like a holiday.

One of my first thoughts is that it’s like Big Brother without the cameras. I suppose it’s a very true statement; we’ll be watched by nurses and doctors monitoring our acceptance of the drug - side effects, nausea, whatever. I also knew it’d be an anti-depressant. They’re not going to test something that treats asthma on healthy people to gauge their side effects. They’re not seeing whether the anti-depressant is effective in depressed people, but how we handle it.

Because I have been on Zoloft recently, the coordinator had to check with one of the doctors to see if it would be worth getting me in for the screening. They take blood, physical examination, what not. Well I’ve been approved. Thursday I go for my big test. I wonder if I’ll be accepted. I wonder if it’s non-disclosure. I’d love to blog my experience from “the inside”.

I could really use that money and achieve my wonderous awesome dream of being debt free before I’m 21.

Would you do it?

Last November, I resigned from my (first) full-time job. I’d pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I didn’t want to really see anyone, I had nightmares about work and anxiety attacks constantly. I cried pretty much 24/7.

I think since that time I’ve come a really long way but I’m still quite fragile. I’ve been to therapy and on medication, and have reached a midpoint where I can feel comfortable with my surroundings but very cautious of who I trust and who takes advantage of me.

Last Thursday, I realised that I was being taken advantage of. I quit my job.

I had been working on a casual basis for Liquorland, and because they can’t figure out their staffing requirements, other stores always rang and hassled to fill in shifts. Usually at ridiculous places like 45 minutes from my home. I constantly got calls and drove places as a favour because it’s in my good nature to do favours. And obviously, it’s also in my nature to not say no to a shift, because they guilt me about it. Usually.

I had a discussion with my manager about going to part-time. He wanted to know if I was interested, and when the conversation left off, he was going to check with our district manager. That was the last I heard of it.. And suddenly, I’m switched to part-time. Hang on there tiger - I didn’t sign anything. In fact, I didn’t even sign a casual contract.

In the last week of work, I was finally switched to the part-time pay (which is $4 less an hour). Should I even bother though? Why is money such a big issue?

My ISP, who is also my old workplace, was about to disconnect my service because I hadn’t paid for three months. I have a friend in accounts who was holding off the tigers for me, but because its me, and not just a regular customer, they hassle. For some reason, I was constantly persecuted. I don’t understand to this day why I am STILL being hassled.

The sixty-four thousand dollar question is, I think people should mind their own business, and PICK UP THE GOD DAMN PHONE AND RING ME IF ITS SO IMPORTANT. If your ISP EVER disconnected you without telling you verbally, make sure you scream bloody murder at them. Have we become so ignorant and rude that we do not want to have a verbal conversation with someone anymore?

Since I quit I have had massive money problems. I can’t work too much or I start to freak out. I can’t really not work because we have no money. And don’t even get me started on Centrelink.

I just want.. Oh, I’m not even sure anymore.